a slut in my class was talking out loud then this happened:
  • slut: omg my jaw hurts
  • quietest kid in class: then stop sucking dick

galacticdad:

i can`t go to school mom the blankets have accepted me as one of their own if i leave now i might lose their trust.

(Source: dysphoriadaughter, via burst-of-giggles)

‎*Mom hands me phone to answer*
  • Me: Hello?
  • Telemarketer: Hello, is your mother home?
  • Me: I have no mother.
  • Her: Well can I speak to your father?
  • Me: Yeah, which one?
  • Her: Which one is home?
  • Me: Well they're both home..but I don't think you want to talk to Carlos. He just went through a breakup with his boyfriend, Antonio.
  • Her: Oh, so your fathers' names are Carlos and Antonio?
  • Me: No, no! My fathers' names are Carlos and Mark.
  • Her: So who's Antonio?
  • Me: I just told you, Carlos's ex.
  • Her: So Carlos was cheating?
  • Me: Yes, but that's only because Mark was cheating with Edith, our neighbor.
  • Her: So Carlos cheated only because Mark cheated?
  • Me: No, he THOUGHT Mark was cheating.
  • Her: So Mark wasn't cheating?
  • Me: I never said that.
  • Her: Yes, yes you did!
  • Me: No I didn't.
  • Her: Y-yes! You did!
  • Me: Did what?
  • Her: Y-you- Never mind have a nice day, goodbye.

hippist:

kalories:

one of the greatest things ive seen in a long time

reminds me of “ I always wonder why birds choose to stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth, then I ask myself the same question.”

(via burst-of-giggles)

Timestamp: 1369340155

hippist:

kalories:

one of the greatest things ive seen in a long time

reminds me of “ I always wonder why birds choose to stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth, then I ask myself the same question.”

(via burst-of-giggles)

bucklesup:

my health teacher asked for different ways to prevent pregnancy and i said “do it in the butt” and i got extra credit because no one has ever said that before

(via burst-of-giggles)

joan-watson:

i wish there was a non-assholeish way to say “our friendship has run it’s course, you make me uncomfortable with your feelings and a lot of shit you do pisses me off bye”

(via burst-of-giggles)

basedheisenberg:

abhortion:

thisisthinprivilege:

Thin privilege is being able to die of natural causes. 

there are no words in the english language to articulate how stupid and absurd this post is

“Fucktarded”

(via burst-of-giggles)

thedramaticsneeze:

hoshigumayuugi:

i actually like being up early i just don’t like getting up early

YOU  PUT THIS IN WORDS

(via burst-of-giggles)

aintnorestfortheweary:

beat-the-munch1es:

10000steps:

sarahisalright:

of-mice-and-avenged:

Baby budgie hatching

There was a moment I thought it was a person then I remembered people don’t come from eggs

too cool

this is just so beautiful

uh are we just going to ignore that comment about humans

(Source: on-my-way-down-again, via goodbye-poppy)

Timestamp: 1369308139

aintnorestfortheweary:

beat-the-munch1es:

10000steps:

sarahisalright:

of-mice-and-avenged:

Baby budgie hatching

There was a moment I thought it was a person then I remembered people don’t come from eggs

too cool

this is just so beautiful

uh are we just going to ignore that comment about humans

(Source: on-my-way-down-again, via goodbye-poppy)

(Source: italdred, via goodbye-poppy)

(Source: aym-she, via you-aremysunshine)

junglebambino:

lemesoawesome:

awesome person next to me

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Timestamp: 1369302805

junglebambino:

lemesoawesome:

awesome person next to me

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx